first off, i want to ask what meditation state is like. i,ve been reading about and practicing meditation but until now i don't have the confidence to say that i am a meditator, or that i have achieved anything with my practice. the thing that i can say with surety is, after all, i am still a beginner and have a long way to go.
but this is how i can describe the state i'm being put in after every meditation: i don't stop thinking, but it's like i'm not thinking but dreaming. like i have no participation with the act of thinking at all. it's like i'm the observer of my thoughts, just like being the observer of my dreams when i,m dreaming at night.
i can't find the exact words to describe it especially that i am not a native english speaker, but that's how i can best express it. so, especially that i am just a beginner, do i do the right thing or not?
second , i have a lot of problems in my waking life that wherever i turn, there is always a problem that i need to face before i can go on. problems should be solved but, i always find myself paralyzed- i don't have the talent, confidence and resources to overcome my financial problems, school problems, self problems, etc. because of that, i feel like just withdrawing to meditation, then i don't do the obsessive thinking and worrying. i no longer want to go back to my waking state, my light-hearted way of saying that i don't wanna live this life anymore and that i don't want to become myself anymore.
but i still want to hear from my fellow mediators, i crave for the wise words of those who've been seeking longer than me: What should i do?
though i don't want to pity-party, i guess i need to mention that i got a positive on depression and anxiety and some personality disorders.
thank you for your kind reply. Blessed be.