Hi,

I am relatively new to meditation. I had always prayed a bit, but one day I received a message, (sort of like a telepathic thought deposited into my mind) that "when you do that, that's meditation and I want you to do this every day."

Since I started doing it, I have felt a real presence and have received a number of communications like that one. There is a gently humorous incredibly patient big brother or parental feel about these communications.

I have been reading books on Buddhism and shamanism. I've not yet done much, if any, research into meditation since, at this point, I'm trying to get a bit of ideological background first.

So I'm flying by the seat of my pants on this, improvising. Not using any specific technique or body of knowledge from anyone or any movement yet. Not that I'd be averse to it- just not doing it yet.

This seems to be growing by leaps and bounds. It's quite different from the way it used to feel before. I was told that it's because "now you're listening. Before, you made too much noise to hear (me)." Well, yeah. Besides being a very noisy girl, I started out life in a rather devout Catholic household and later was in Scientology for years. Left the "Church of Scientology" but still was interested in the ideas afterward so didn't really ditch it. I've kind of moved on from it now, for the most part, to the point where I no longer refer to myself as any kind of Scientologist, not even a "non church" one. So maybe this is why my meditations are ...I don't know...connecting more- for lack of a better word. I got a lot out of Christianity and out of Scientology but I think now it's time for me to go way out from those ideologies, so that's what I'm doing.

I had a curious - and very nice- experience the other evening. I was upset with someone- still not happy with her, but whatever. Anyway, I kept thinking about it and thinking about it. I've always had a problem with bearing grudges. If the person apologizes to me, I can put it behind me. But we all know that we don't always receive apologies and that we can't just wait for other people to please us or do what we think they should do. So I was asking "How do I move on from this? I'm driving myself bonkers and it needs to stop." And I had this thought that I should meditate on a flower, perhaps a peony. And I thought of this stylized drawing of a 5 or 6 petal flower- not a lotus because the petals are rounded- fuschia. Anyway, for some reason, my feelings of distress and anger toward this other lady immediately evaporated. It's the weirdest thing. And I got the impression that this wasn't a one time only coupon, so to speak- that I could do this other times.

I don't know why that is. I don't know if there's a special technique known to others about meditating on flowers, though I think I've heard of meditating on/about objects or concepts, of course. Anyway, this is just one more bit of evidence (not that I needed any) that this communication channel is not just me talking to my subconscious. And that this is special and helpful.

Oh, and by the way-- I really don't know what I'm doing. But I can have fun finding out.